I was in an extremely on and off thing with a guy for about a year and a half during exams. Back then it wasn’t abuse to me, but I felt stuck, depressed and self harmed and didn’t see it clearly. The sexual violence and emotional abuse started about 6 months before I ended it. He would choke me so hard that it left bruises wrapped around my neck, which I never showed him, I still can’t think why, but I have kept the photos ever since as a way of healing. He would also bite my lip so hard that I would scream ouch and please stop but I was told I was a pussy and to get over it. I thought it was just him being freaky and this was what ‘freaky’ is.

He also told me daily that he wanted to ‘hit me so hard’ because it turned him on. When I was at his house with his boys, on numerous occasions he said in front of ALL OF US while they were banging drugs, I’ll give her more to get her even more fucked so she’s better/ more freaky in bed (or something along those lines) even though I hadn’t even tried those drugs before (and didn’t do them, but was influenced into getting drunk to be on their level) . All through this year period I cried, but when I eventually broke it off during lower sixth, I didn’t cry once and felt such a power over him and felt like an actual weight had been lifted off me.

He apologised for everything he had done to hurt me but it was just another level to his manipulation which I wasn’t falling for. Only 2 or 3 people know about it to this day but I’m able to talk about it now without it being upsetting, more as a way of making him look like the dickhead he is.